Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
