I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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