So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
