Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
