i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
