dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
