I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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