jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
