the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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