yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
