may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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