Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
