Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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