Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
