everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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