We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize