At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
