I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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