There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
