Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
