Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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