Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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