We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize