peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
