I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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