So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dick very happy bro
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
