Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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