Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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