And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found your dick twin last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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