I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize