you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
