I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
