He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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