And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
