i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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