omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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