yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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