i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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