If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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