And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
