Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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