Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
