and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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