like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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