What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
