you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize