You're my little dorito
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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