we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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