Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
