Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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