My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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