my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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