I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
