Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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