I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
