I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
