I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize