If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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