I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
