i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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