what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
