Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
foreskin is a definite game changer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
