I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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