i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
