Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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