im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
