watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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