I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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