sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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