Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
