Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize