Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
