remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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