so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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