So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
