I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
