Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
