But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
