I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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