My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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