I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
