Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize