I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
