So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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