paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
