his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
