Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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