yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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