Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
