pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
