i need an iv and a liver transplant
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
