I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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