This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
