marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got inside last night via doggy door
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
