I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize