I hate your face
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
